Listen to this episode on your podcast player of choice.
Adam
What does free sex mean to you?
Do you ever think you’d have more sex, or better sex, if only you could change one thing? What is that thing?
From Aunt Nell, this is... Free Sex... with me, Adam Zmith.
I’m a writer, podcast producer, walker, talker, thinker, wanker. I started having sex at 29, TWENTY-NINE, and I’ve been obsessed ever since. What stopped me? I’m on a mission to find out how, as a society, we hold each other back in sex. What could a world of ‘free sex’ look like?
For me: free sex is a world with more places to fuck AND without sexually transmitted infections. How bout you? What you into?
Every episode I speak to a different human with a unique idea for what free sex could mean.
This podcast is fully pansexual and gender fluid: from mild to wild, everyone is welcome.
Let’s go!
——
Can we make it easier to say what we want in sex?
My guest in this episode is Susan Bratton. As an intimacy adviser and wellness expert, Susan has no end of talking techniques, libido botanicals, blood-flow supplements and sexual energy bars to help us all to have better sex. Susan’s having the best sex of her life in her 60s—and she wants you and me to share the joy!
But better sex isn’t enough. Susan and I went... deeper. We discussed the conditions in society that weaken our sexual communication, why our ways of living don’t make us good listeners, and even how society stops us listening to ourselves. Speaking to me from her home in California, Susan set aside the idea of ‘better sex’, and instead joined me in building a better world. A better world for sex.
——
Adam
Susan Bratton, welcome to Free Sex.
I am so happy to be here because I love free sex. Thank you Adam!
Adam
Yes, Okay, well let's let's talk about it. What does free sex mean to you?
Susan
I Think about free sex as a place in which you are positioned in your life where you can ask for what you want know what you want ask for what you want. And recognize that what you want is going to evolve your whole life long and that your appetites are going to change your sexual maturation is going to bring you new interests and new desires and that you're going to feel confident to satisfy those appetites in ways that fuel your passion your creativity your intimate connection and your longevity and that at the end of your life. You'll look back on that and say Wow at that moment I was at a fork in the road and chose.
Adam
Right.
Susan
Free sex I just had so much of a better life than I would have had I not taken the risks.
Adam
Wow This is so incredibly ambitious I Love it like it's such such an all encompassing way of thinking about sex and what it can do for us and our lives. So thank you for bringing that energy to the podcast.
Susan
Yeah. One of the things that's good about being old, and I'm in my sixties now, in addition to the fact that I'm having the best sex of my life is that I've got some perspective Adam so I can say things like by the end of my life I'll look back I mean I've got forty more years so I'm planning for a very long and sex-filled next, you know, four or five decades don't get me wrong - I'm not on the downhill slide yet I'm still on the upswing but it still gives you a lot of good perspective which I'm really enjoying.
Adam
Well one of the things that you ah talked about at at the beginning was um about expressing what you want in sex and listening to what the other person wants and um, ah yeah, communicating what you like and stuff like that. So let's talk about communication because that's, you know, such a huge part of the work that you do is is helping people to communicate better. So why is communication Such an important part of us getting to this world of free sex.
Susan
Well, you've said it best yourself many times that communication is the foundation of everything that you want in your sexuality and when I think about communication skills I think about the three legs of a solid stool of hot sex, lifelong, hot sex. One of those three legs is understanding technique um actually becoming a good lover having pleasuring skills. The second is communication and I've got this. New thing and I'll tell you I could use your help as a writer. Um I don't have good words for it yet. But here's what I call it? what? um the way I think about it is that I have written so many communication skills and I think about it as an ascension Model. You have to learn this then this then this.
Adam
Okay.
Susan
Then This there's an order.. There's an orderly way to approach your sexual communication skills and I haven't given it acute name yet and I give everything a cute name and I am the Queen of sexy URLs So I will get there. Um, and I don't mind talking about work in progress at all because everything is a work in progress to me. Everything is always always includes the wild card because I'm always learning new things. Um, that's one of the best things about sex I joke that if sex were a brand its tagline would be “Sex: There's always something more”. It comes with a big, swishy hand gesture. There's always something more and then the third leg of that stool is what I would call the body based piece of it which is everything from.
Adam
And yes, yes, there is that.
Susan
Understanding all the parts of your genital structures understanding the difference between Libido, desire and Arousal, understanding how the penis body, the penis-testosterone-dominant body, and the vulva-Vagina-estrogen-dominant body work and then what happens when you trade out hormones and things like that you know like where are we going with all this stuff I can talk to you about how the you know the the XX and XY manifest but now we're getting into some really interesting territory in the world of our Trans folks.
Adam
So yeah.
Susan
And so I'm fascinated by that. But it also is in this area of sexual biohacking sexual regenerative therapies so reversing the clock on the aging genitals reversing atrophy reversing ED, reversing loss of lubrication loss of sense sensation. All of those things.
Adam
Yeah, yeah.
Susan
Um, that's a very interesting category all the way up to what I call biohacking or like male enhancement. You know I've got a huge gay following and a part of the reason that I do is that I do 2 things in the world of gay love up 3 really one is male enhancement penis enlargement because gay men have beautifully crafted their bodies and they want their penis to match and so I teach penis enlargement techniques that actually work that won't hurt you because guys will do a lot of stuff even if it hurts themselves and they don't need to.
And then the second piece of it is how to connect your cock to your heart which is something that in the world of penis owners needs to really be worked on to get the maximum benefits of great sex and—
Adam
Preach! Cock to heart, the highway.
Susan
Yes, it is. It is exactly um and then the third piece is I think around safe sex for the gay community because STIs are rampant and there needs to be communication skills. How to ask for safe sex. What tests to get um, how to protect yourself I was talking to a friend of mine over New Year's eve at the at a new Year's eve party and he said yeah I've for the last three weeks I've had sex with a different man every single day and I'm like man that's that's a lot of skin to skin contact with a lot of human.
It's like that's just a breeding ground for STIs and that's typical. That's not atypical in the gay community. You know that's typical, not not all all men but many men are like that and so I do worry about that too. So those are the three legs of the stool. So this communication piece is really foundation as we've said and the biggest issue that I find is there. There are two: 1 is I don't know what I want I just know what I'm getting isn't it and that's a pretty easy fix. The second one is I'm not sure what I want but I definitely know it's not in and I'd be willing to ask for something else. But I don't want to hurt my partner's feelings and when I give them feedback. They take it as failure and they emotionally collapse in the middle of the you know, lovemaking scene and then it's.
Adam
Yeah, yeah, yeah, these are 2 big ones and just to go back to your stool for a second. The the 3, and the 3 parts, the first...
Susan
Just a fucking nightmare and so I just keep my mouth shut and take what I can get those are 2 big ones that are really foundation. Yeah yeah. Yes, legs.
Adam
So the third one is about like knowing your body. The first one is technique and the third one sorry the second one in the middle was the was the one that you don't have the brand name for yet. But that's the one that's like yeah bedroom communication.
Susan
Yeah, communication. Yeah communication, Bedroom communication is what I call it. But this notion of there's.
Adam
Accumulating knowledge or something you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Susan
And in what order should you learn them this notion that there's actually um, like 101, 102, 103 level skills and that if you're going to try to if you if you're starting here. Go back and learn the basics that there are basics.
Adam
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right right? yeah.
Susan
And the one we just talked about I don't know what I want to I Just know what I'm getting isn't it or I kind of I know I don't like this and I think I might know what I want but I'm afraid to ask for it.
Adam
Because I've heard this a lot from people who are outside the the gay male community. Um that I'm a part of or the Queer male community as well. It's a bit broader and is that because often. Our sex can seem on the outside as very transactional where we're saying I like this this and this and this what do you like to do and let's see if it's a match and then we can go at it which does have its drawbacks but it does have a major.
Bonus which is that like you are it put it puts you in the position of communicating and listening to the other person and then creating something together and and I'm not saying that like gay men have got the answer but it just strikes me that whenever you whenever I've talked about that with but you know people who are not gay men. They're like hang on a minute. You say what you want and it kind of like blows their minds sometimes and I'm sure that like other people of different identities that have had that same experience where if they do it and they tell other people like yeah I Just I say what I want and it kind of it still baffles me that that is something that is um, not commonly done. How do you talk to people about getting over the the nerves. Or whatever it is that you need in order to like be able to say what you want and.
Susan
Yeah I have a technique that I think is probably the the most foundational of all of the techniques that I've ever created and I've been doing this for decades and I've written 44 books and programs and what I do is I create Sex techniques. That's really what I do for people, pleaasuring skills and communication skills and then how to fix things and make them better and um I have a technique called the Sexual Soulmate Pact and it's an agreement. It's a pact a pact is an agreement and that's based in trust that's what a pact is and it comes out of a book that I wrote that was a very popular book called sexual soulmates the 6 essentials to connected sex because a lot of what I'm doing is this dial of techniques that are what I call heart-connected conscious passionate. Love-making. So.
Susan
Heart connected is a pretty easy one to understand. There's an emotional component to it that grows through the deepening of your intimacy conscious is I'm awake I'm aware. We've had the safe sex discussion. Ah you know I'm I'm being I'm present.
Susan
I Not checked out I'm I could be sober I could have had a glass of wine or a vape or whatever but I'm I'm I'm coming in sober I'm I'm dealing and doing work with my Traumas I'm understanding when I'm triggered in communicating it I'm I'm I'm expressing my needs.
And then the passionate thing is this notion that when I'm making love with you I am really bringing all my sensuality I am really bringing my openness to pleasure I am.
Susan
Being with you in a way that's turning me on more and more the more minutes that tick by the sex just escalates into this very like you know, really exciting experience where I'm out of my head and I'm in my body.
Susan
And we are also surrendered to our pleasure together I'm not doing you. It's not performative I'm not acting out or acting as if I am just being. And love making is slow and tender but it is also wild and surrendered and it is nurturing and healing and sensual and sexual.
Susan
And I want that I want you to feel those things when you are do teach learning the things I'm teaching and I think I think that's that's a lot That's a big goal for a lot of people who are I like to say what I like to do is I like to transform friction like.
Adam
Um, it is. It's a lot. Yeah yeah, and yeah, yeah.
Susan
Emotional friction? Yes, but also the genital friction just not. We're just not rubbing sticks together here to make a fire I want to transform friction into connection. So what I'm doing is very connected soulful but it's not.
Susan
Tantra. It doesn't have ritual that we're not burning any ah incense on the altar. We're fucking but we're fucking in a way where our hearts are exploding for each other and by fucking I don't mean penis and vagina either I Just mean like super hot sex. So. When you enter into a soulmate pact and with a partner and by the way the Sexual Soulmate Pact, you can download it for free I give it away if if you just go to sexualsoulmatepact.com you can have it and then you print out this pdf and it's almost. It's not written like an agreement. You don't have to saw anything but it does.
Susan
Have 2 things that I've found people need one step by step instructions of how to do it with stories that explain how it feels when you have it and it comes in a couple of ways. The first is that there's a couple of pieces to.
Susan
To to being in this relationship where we're going to know what we want ask for it and feel encouraged to do so. The first is should I go should I go into it a bit. The first is that it have this concept I call reporting in for my animal and that is that we live in animal bodies we are Homo sapien which is part of the animal Kingdom We're actually part of the great apes and we don't have a lot of control over ourselves. But, how much sugar did we eat how much caffeine did we have what was our sleep. Score. Do we have any parasites in our gut are we shitting? Well do we? you know it's like what are my hormones doing. How's my depression. What's going on with my trauma. What are my stress.
Adam
Yeah, yeah, what are my hormones doing today. Yeah yeah.
Susan
Levels like how how is my turn on for you. How do you smell? How do you look to me, you know this is like all this stuff. There's so many factors coming into how we literally feel in our bodies and what we want today today I want you to hold me and kiss my cheeks and love me and let me get things off my chest.
Adam
Yeah.
Susan
The next time we make love I'm going to jump on you pounce on you and ravish you and you're going to be just completely overtaken by my desire for you and you're just going to surrender to it because I'm in charge. You know that's the range we run and there's such a spectrum of it and so it's honoring.
Adam
Yes, yes. Right.
Susan
All of that and knowing that sex the inconsistency of sex is one of the beautiful things about it when we tap into that the second piece and so I say reporting in from.
Adam
Yeah, because a lot of people feel that the inconsistency is like ah like a flaw that they have you know? Yeah yeah, they feel like they're yeah that they're a bad partner because they have that inconsistency right.
Susan
It throws them off their game or something. Yeah.
17:56.50
Adam
Even though that's just because they're human and.
Susan
Exactly and human is part of the animal Kingdom I Think that's so we just can't forget that where Monkeys were just smart Monkeys and some of them might be smarter than we are um the second piece of it. So I call that reporting in for my animal and it's really and this is there's this.
Thing called interoception. It's very similar to proprioception. It's one of our senses and it's our internal felt sense. Oh God I have I feel this pain. Oh I feel this thing. Oh I feel this thing in my genitals. Oh I feel this the the you know, whatever it is.
Susan
And so when you begin to have that inter interoception. You begin to know what you want it gets over that problem of I don't know what I want I Just know what I'm getting isn't it. You do know and for a lot of women I say to them the lips of your vulva cannot talk.
So you must give her voice because she is always speaking to you because women especially have been socialized by the patriarchal religiosity of our cultures to shut up and give up give it up you know and it's like our job to serve and.
We have to break out of that and the way that we do is by giving voice to what our body is is telling us by listening and practicing interoception. So a lot of people are you know teaching intuition. It's not at all intuition. It's literally felt sense your body talks to you So speak up.
And the interesting thing. 1 of my girlfriends Deborah Kagan she showed me one time look how much the Laren Laarnix and the um larynx and the vulva look similar. They have a similar design right.
Adam
So yeah, look similar. Yeah.
Susan
So how do you? How do you use these lips to speak for these lips. It's very very important and that's for all bodies and all genders.
Adam
Um, I'm yeah and I'm curious with the the sexual soulmate pact. Um because you know so many people have like downloaded that and used it. What have you heard back from people about and how how they've used it and how they've. How they might have changed in the sex that they're having so.
Susan
Yeah, I'd say that probably the number 1 thing that people tell me is it's really created a lot of variety in our sexuality number 1 we do more fun things now that we're both speaking up because i'm.
Susan
Letting my partner know what's happening in my body and they don't take it personally like it's failure. That's the biggest thing that people have struggle with is when you get feedback people are like they they contract they collapse emotionally and so after some practice with the pact they stop.
Emotionally collapsing and they're able to take it as just feedback to do a better job and the sex gets better and then the other really I think third you know, kind of precipitate of that agreement that you have is really that.
I would say there's a level of adoration that begins to develop adoration appreciation gratitude because what happens to 1 of the tricks of the pact is that when your lover.
Says something ooh to the left to the right? That's too hard. Can we stop I need a break? Whatever oh it's not feeling good right now or oh I have this idea or whatever it is um the the person that's hearing the request says. Thank you and when someone says thank you for you telling them your needs instead of collapsing or checking out or feeling wounded it opens up this level of appreciation. Yes, tell me more what else? how does it feel now baby How is is it good now. How do you like it now is this better.
Oh let me adjust oh sweetheart I'm sorry oh thank you for telling me when you get that when you go from Stoic Shutdown putting up with to getting appreciation force and encouragement for speaking up you feel So loved.
Adam
Yeah.
Susan
You feel so safe you feel so able to go into situations that you would have never gone before they would have stayed masturbatory fantasies rather than realities because you wouldn't have ever felt safe enough to ask for that thing and now you can because if it's not working. You can just say so and your partner's like. Thanks. Babe. What do you want to do instead. It's amazing.
Adam
It reminds me of a trick from Improv class where you walk around at the beginning to all the different people who are there including people that you've maybe never met before and never performed with before and you say to each other that you actually put your hands towards the floor and you say the stakes. Couldn't be lower and then they repeat it back and they say yeah the stakes couldn't be lower. They're on the floor. Um I don't know whether you could do that in the bedroom like before having sex. But it's the same principle but my next question then is about the you've talked about the these and techniques and things that. Ah.
Susan
I Love that.
Adam
Can lead us all to better communication sexually to lead us as individuals into be able to doing that and you are there at the at the top of of a media empire and you know with all of these techniques with with these different platforms and extolling all of these things and and obviously I couldn't agree with you more.
Susan
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Adam
But it but it does still rely on an individual subscribing to your newsletter or listening to you on a podcast or something like that. Um, and yes we do have to take our own bodies in our own hands. Not just for masturbation. But um I'm just thinking like above this level of like what.
Susan
Um, yeah, yeah.
Adam
We as individuals need to do like we need to find this out like what as a society Do we need to do in order for people to like know these things or learn these things anyway. So.
Susan
Yeah, there's a documentary film being made about me right now about my my story and my work and about how much censorship that I've had to put up with and all of those like me.
Adam
Oh Wow yeah.
Susan
Teaching pleasuring skills and passionate lovemaking and safe sex. Nope I am completely censored everywhere but podcasts and I have to be on only fans because literally.
24:24.82
Adam
Yeah, yeah, you can't use Instagram for that.
Susan
Women come to me on Instagram and they're like I heard you talk about Yoni massage and you know I'd really like to see I'd I'd like to see what that looks like you know like that kind of thing but the problem is that there's no place to post these things and so they're the only platforms that allow us to and and you know what's interesting now. Um.
But it was another state that just um, just made it pornhub illegal. Um, so we've got like I don't know Utah all this. It's all the southern redneck states now. Um that are even outlawing your ability to access adult content.
Susan
So it's not on the social medias Google won't give you any rankings unless it's very specific keywords which only big big media companies can afford to pay for the keywords for the traffic to things like female ejaculation and stuff like that. So the trainers can't get it. Men's health can afford to do it.
So it's all controlled by big media and so the documentary is actually being done. It's called the gift and it's done by David Donnelly at CultureNet and he is a cause based filmmaker out of London he lives in Kensington.
Susan
And he met me on another film. He was producing called Forever Young which is not out yet either and that's about this same thing I was talking about earlier that I'm in my sixty s but I'm thinking about the next forty years of my life. Most people my age are planning to retire at 60 5 point you know in 3 years I'm 64.
Adam
Right. And and retire from sex probably practically practically right right? Yeah yeah.
Susan
They've already retired from sex. They thought it was over when they went through Menopause or whatever you know and and ah much to their husband’s chagrin right? But um, he really understands how the censorship is actually killing us.
Adam
Yeah.
Susan
It's killing us. Yeah, it's making us die younger and live less exuberant vital lives because we can't get sex ed.
Adam
And it's because we're overrelying right? Yeah because we're overrelying on private companies which make their own decisions about what they want on their platforms and they have to satisfy you know credit card processing companies and and advertisers and everything like that.
Susan
Exactly.
Adam
So we're relying on them for to be the conduit for our ongoing lifelong sex Ed and yet they're they're not incentivized to to do that? Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, and so do so So do we need a.
Susan
Censoring it I'm shadow band I'm throttled I don't get any growth unless I do collaborative reels with people who have.
Adam
Movements of led by people like you and me like and then you know, followed by lots and lots of other people to a movement for like you know dropping of censorship or better platforms that enable us. On the basis of our health and mental health and physical. Well-being bracket. All of that bracket's sex to be able to like share this content and communicate like improve communication skills. All of these things are for the good of our health. So.
Susan
Yeah, how do we? How do we get the traffic to those websites if we build them like I've got better lover.com right with hundreds of free videos that teach people everything and yet I can't buy traffic to that website podcasts are the only bastion of uncensored speech in our world today where there's any traffic. That's where we are.
Adam
So yeah, yeah, yeah, and that's and that's where we are yeah and it's so it's interesting that that is one of the things that and it makes me kind of makes me worried you know, not only about for free sex but in general like because you know like. You've said like there is just not that many conduits really and for it and yet it seems like I think if you would ask a person if you told that to a person. They'd be like having a minute what the internet is full of sex and you know that's what the internet was invented for it was invented for Sex. Um.
Susan
It was invented for pornography which is different than sexual education. Yeah, and it's very bad for women, especially this was a really interesting thing I noticed too So I was I was just watching um slut ever.
Adam
Right? right? right? exactly? yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Susan
It's a series um a television series and um, the first episode she decided that she the the star of the show decided that she wanted to get a happy ending and she said wow.
It's amazing that there's massage parlors within you know a half mile of most people that a man can go and get a happy ending a penis owner. Let's just put it that way. But.
She tried to find somebody to give her a happy ending. She went to New York she went to San Francisco she went to all these places she she went to 1 guy and he ended up being more like a you know gigolo boyfriend experience kind of a guy and um then she went to a tantric.
You know daka is the male version of dakini and they're so you know they're they're tantric sex workers and he said well you know I can't really give you one today. It's going to take a few sessions I've got to earn your trust you know she's like really all I want is just like to get off and he's like well that's not really my process and.
Adam
Right.
Susan
And then I saw this um this video about Australia right now where in Australia they've been trying to have sex toys. So and I like to call them sex tools because one of the things I teach actually I'm going to the vibe show in la this week to teach my strategy on orgasmic cross-training because I teach the 20 kinds of male and female orgasms. So that people can understand their orgasmic potential because most people are at one tenth or less of of their own orgasmic potential and I want to increase pleasure for people because it's very healthy and um.
So I talk about the 8 kinds of tools for the vulva and the 4 kinds of tools for the penis that activate all of the tissue to send more neural signals to the to the brain to process more pleasure and to activate it all and.
Adam
Right? right.
Susan
So sex tools are a very important part of what I do and that's at orgasmiccrosstraining.com if you want to know more about that I can't go into details. Oh god it's it's just totally my jam and um because people are like tell me more and I'm like well let's you know, let's move the conversation forward.
Adam
You are really good with the URLs, Susan, I mean.
Susan
Go there if that's what you want right? because people are sex is vast. So I just like to have things to meet people where they are so um because some people would be like now I'm good and other people are like I want to come 20 ways what the hell are they so you know like wherever you are.
Adam
Yeah, exactly I need the I need the dot com, give me the dot com.
Susan
Exactly so in Australia they're trying to get sex tools sold in department stores. But what's happened is that sex tools have been relegated to adult stores and the adult stores are in the seedy parts of town where women don't want to go and so women want.
Adam
Aha. Okay.
Susan
Have an orgasm from a toy because they don't have to have the human interaction with an unsafe person men and I'm just going to say men and women here and what I mean by that is penis owners Testosterone Dominant vulva owners, oestrogen dominant. So a man walks in the world in a safe way.
Adam
Yeah, yeah.
Susan
He's confident. No one's going to hurt him. He doesn't have to worry. That's why gay men can have so much sex. They're not scared all the time but female bodied people oestrogen makes us worried because we're the prey and we can't go to unsafe places. So basically there's no place for us to go except an unsafe place to buy a sex toy.
Adam
Yeah
Susan
Which is the thing that we need to get ourselves off in ways that our fingers can't do for us that activate our pleasure and their relegate it. So like women don't have the same opportunity that men have for pleasure and that is a patriarchal oppressive.
Adam
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Adam
Right? How can you go into Wal-mart and buy a gun but you can't buy a vibrator.
Susan
Now you're talking about America and we are fucked up right now.
Adam
So well I mean that we could go down that la that that road but let's not let's wrap up because um, yes, so how would you now that we've now that we've gone through this whole um, kind of laundry list of things and m. How would you summarize? How do we get to this free sex world. You know if you could change 1 thing tomorrow out of all of these things. What is that 1 thing.
Susan
Yeah I think it's understanding that your sexual growth and your personal growth are two sides of the same coin that you're going to want different things at every stage of your life what you want in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, and hundreds is going to be different and that you're going to get better and better in bed over time if you are one of those people that I call sexual seekers who realize that sex is a learned skill I mean procreation is you can You can make a baby and know nothing but you can't have passionate heart-connected conscious love making without learning some skills.
Susan
And the skills are pleasuring techniques, communication skills and health and wellness intimate wellness you know construct and so really the thing that I most recently put together was something I call my sex life bucket list. Guess what the URL is.
Adam
Sexlifebucketlist.com?
Susan
Yeah I think yeah by break exactly and um, what I did was I realized that I needed to make it easier for people to figure out where they were going in their in their sex life.
Adam
Ah, Wow I'm going to get into this domain name game. This is fun. Yeah. And so what I did was I put together 48 what I like to call erotic play dates. Yes 48 erotic play dates none of which you'll look at and go you right? So there's no like there's no so.
Adam
Okay, 48 Wow Okay, don't Yeah wow. Yeah, okay, yeah, okay, yeah.
Susan
No scatological things on there that kind of stuff. It's and it's not fringy. It's pretty. It's pretty. You know it's not vanilla. It's intelligent approaches to learning sexual pleasure and connection and deepening your intimacy and feeling sexually confident and you feel confident the more you do it the better you get the better. You get the more you want the more you want the more you try. That's how it works. It's an ascension model and so at sex life bucket list I made this little pdf that you print out and it has these 48 fun erotic play dates that will increment your sexual experiences, knowledge and confidence and you mark them a B or C a is oh this is definitely going on my bucket list I've really wanted to find my G spot or my P spot or ah, you know do a sexy photo shoot my lingerie or whatever.
And then a B is it's not for me. But if my partner wanted to do it I would be totally down for doing it with them C's are it's not for me right now. Never say never right? because you're going to mature into things.
Adam
And I yeah okay yeah, so there's no right? So there's yeah, there's no option which is like never never ever would I Ever There's always like there's always this....
Susan
Why would there be because you don't know Wildcard and then I gave I give you with that pd and this is free I give you with that pdf a 40 minute video where I walk you through what all these things.
Adam
Possibility. Yeah no I think it's a great yeah wildcard there you go? Yeah and for.
Susan
Are because you're going to look it and go what the hell is that and you never even heard of it. It's like in in Psychotherapy There's this notion of something called a scotoma have you heard the word? Yeah, it's your ah, it's your blind spot. It's you don't even know.
Adam
No, it sounds like a place in Arizona.
Susan
You don't even know what you don't know. That's what I'm talking about and so what the sex life bucket list does is it opens up this panoply of opportunities and I describe them to you So I say that's your first erotic play date I walk you through all these.
Fun, sexy ideas and I make them sound as exciting as I can and I really make it you know like and like kind of like a sexy joy ride and then you mark them down and if you're lucky enough to have a partner you can do it together and then you make your a's and you make your bucket list.
Susan
And then you've got some things to go for oh Thursday night we're going to do take away chinese and we're gonna you know, help you ejaculate you know or whatever. It's right? yeah.
Adam
Yes, yeah, whatever's on the list. Yeah wow I mean this is there's a lot of PDFs to download. We've got a lot of lists to get through and but I am so grateful for all of these amazing like ideas. Um, and it's like it's.
Susan
Good.
Adam
It's been great to talk to you because there's the level of like the idea like why don't you try this in the bedroom now all and then all the way up to the kind of higher bigger questions about what what do we need to do as a society to like move forward together you know and so that's really what I'm trying to do with Free Sex. so Susan thanks so much oh thank you.
Susan
It's happening right. You're doing it. You're doing it Adam you're doing it. It's happening. It's which it's happening, right, this, second. Thank you for creating. Thanks thanks to you and thanks to me and thanks to all of the small media businesses that are holding space in our heart for the sexual and sensual growth of humanity We we will prevail.
—
Adam
Thanks for listening to this episode!
Let me know what you think of FREE SEX - the idea or this podcast!
Leave me a review and a star rating if you can!
On social media I’m @adamzmith, yes that’s Smith but with a Z, yeah Zmith, mmm it feels good in the mouth hahah. You can find more Aunt Nell productions on our website auntnell.com and on social we’re @auntnell_.
The theme music is TransLife by Othon
Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith
The Executive Producer for Aunt Nell is Tash Walker
To all you loves and lovers, good night x